Jared 'Brave' Leto

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This is the end, my only friend...

08:29pm 11/04/2004

mood: [done]

music: the doors - the end

[Well Its been a long trip, 2 years or so But I'm just fucking burnt. This journal will stand to the test of time or whatever, lotta memories, lotta good writing in the good time, but I can't do it anymore, i guess i grew out of it, i've changed alot these last couple years and now its not just the same.

For the record today was the very first time i had ever seen an episode of my so called life... i feel complete enough.]

I will disappear

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ooc
		11:08pm 03/03/2004
	( OOC )
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Superbowl: whatever.

06:04pm 01/02/2004

mood: deadly

music: Mogwai - 2 Rights Make 1 Wrong

fucking hell. I didn't die. i've just been traveling the world abroad, keeping civiliaztion out as much as possible, and what happens while I'm doing such? Ousted from Studio 54. Fucking shame. I'm coming home next week, and It will be nice to do music again, I am really looking forward to this show at the Roxy, its been like 6 months since 30stm played live, and thats just too fucking long.

I've learned alot though, I've found life and death, poverty and riches, generosity and selfishness, the best and worst of human kind. And I've been alone through it all. I was in Cambodia, watching the sunset over the hills, and eventually into the Indian ocean, and I looked down the way a bit, and just watched a local family bringing in dinner, completely in harmony, not aware at all that their lifestyle, is equivalent to what American's would call poverty stricken/homeless/needy but they're getting along just fine with out cellphones and laptops and cable television.

And what is the world doing tonight? they're watching the fucking Superbowl. The biggest media draw in the world. Mankind is completely fucking hopeless. I just keep feeling the need to get out, get on, move away from the city, but I keep being drawn in because of the paycheck...its all about the paycheck-- I'm fucking hopeless too. But this is how to express myself to all of those who are confused and misguided, and those who aren't and have themselves together, i'm for them all, and I just want to connect with them.

We are all fucking insane.

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07:29pm 01/01/2004

mood: gone

music: The Doors - Light My Fire

Oliver gave us both days off, I'm still drunk, I shlould sto now..... ihave call in 5 houres. fuck

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A Merry Christmas, a Happy Birthday and a wonderful dream I hope will never die.

01:05am 26/12/2003

mood: dying alive

music: Godspeed You Black Emperor! - Yangui UXO

I'm at my mom's house. Here in Westlake. I'm going back to London tomorrow, I've got my tickets and luggage all squared away, leaving in the morning. But for now, I'm here with my mom and my brother, and wonderful friends I've seen these last couple days. Today was my 32nd birthday. It seems weird that I'm this old. So unreasonable. I feel SO young inside. I've never settled down, I've never wanted to. I think Claire did, just a little bit. I asked her to come out for Christmas, and be with my family, but she declined. We got on different planes at Heathrow, or however you spell it, and I haven't heard from her since, let me be blunt: I had THE BEST sex in my life with her in London, and now she doesn't return my phone calls. So I'm sitting out here North of LA drinking a Triple Black, writing in my notebook, on my lj at the same time. It won't be a song, enough people have written songs about their girlfriends and their fathers, thats not what my art is about. But speaking of such I've got a show at the Roxy in February, so i'm fucking stoked about that. I wrote a lot of shit while in Morocco, intersting new lyrics I'm hoping the Echelon will completely understand.

We all speak a language, but it is not our own, language can exist without us, it can be anything, anywhere, with anything, for all we know rocks have language, we are just not fluent in, that we do not speak. And then i wonder about the language of love, and how we all say I love you, and how that means something different to everyone else. So how does a language take root in a word that has six billion translations? Love is only a word. The most indescribably absent feeling from our storehouse of "emotions" what ever those are, more things with six billion translations, none of us are on the same page and We'll never catch up until we finish the Human Race. We're always dying, we're never living, because within the womb we are a part of our living dying mother, and the moment we crown, we die, ever so slowly. We come into the world to die.

Keep Breathing, keep biding your time, keep saying not yet, you're only slowing yourself up.

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its a wonderful life.

08:35pm 16/12/2003

mood: enamored

She's here. in London. With me, in my flat. We share something so beautiful it defies words. She arrived at about 2am this morning, and I looked at at her, into those big green eyes and I died. And so she came in teeth chattering, and then... then well something happened that was set in motion over 8 years ago when we first met on MSCL. She's the age now that I was when i met her, she's grown so, and become so beautiful. And as I'm writing this, she comes over for a kiss, and I will be sitting down with her in just a moment to watch "It's a Wonderful Life", we rented it.

Wonderful film, wonderful girl,its going to be a wonderful night.

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		09:26pm 02/12/2003
	My God has it been a month already since my last update. Christ time flies. Well I thought it would be fun to just sort of cross post an entry I made on my official website, and hey why not? No one ever said we can't do that. so here goes: 2 and a half months. 3 weeks of boot camp and 7 and a half weeks of shooting and we are finished in Morocco. Unbelievable. Tomorrow i'm off to london for a month then back to the U.S. of fucking A. Its been a blessing to be away and gain some perspective on life. On home. Morocco can make you forget you want to go back. Its 'ramadan' here in marrakech (and for the other 900 million muslims around the world) and life is completely fucking different when your 7 hours ahead of LA. I've learned that, contrary to popular belief people can live without the following... 1.burritos 2.the electronic leash (i.e. cellphones, blackberrys, palm pilots, and 2 ways) 3.a car 4.irreverence (really!) 5.computers (besides the one im on now) 6.a therapist or two 7.power yoga/thai bo/spinning 8.a lawyer, agent, manager, accountant, publicist and it is possible to live with... 1.lots of flies 2.donkeys 3.actually shaking hands (no "gimme a 'pound' dog!") 4.humble aspirations 5.looking people in the eye and saying hello 6.sand 7.sincerity (really!) All said though, we have it so fucking good in the states its unbelivable what we all take for granted. We can bitch all we want about George fucking Bush, Iraq and everything else but we dont have to hike it 3 hours down to the well to get water everyday. We actually have freedom. I know it sounds so fucking corny to say it but when you see people living without it you realize...I can pretty much do whatever the fuck i want. So the question is are we doing exactly whatever it is that we fucking want? quit your job dump your annoying boyfriend sell your house push your car off a cliff burn your money start all over again could you do better? London's cold. I'm cold. I'm bored now. I'm an ass. I love my life. What are you gonna do about it? I saw that Cameron posted on my last post, Call me babe. I look forward to hearing from you, I'll be back in a month, we can hang out again maybe. I don't know, I like this life. Maybe I'll do a Keroauc, and just find a mountain and live on it for two months and just write. Sounds like a blast doesn't it?
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Where have I been? Why I'll tell you.

08:27pm 29/10/2003

mood: enigmatically inspired

music: Nirvana - Mollys Lips

Its a lot of frustrating work, when the star of the picture you're trying to film, is constantly off with his boyfriend, and not concentrating on the work at hand. In fact Colin, has been really pissing me off. His whole attitude towards this project has been so apathetic, that it makes me wonder why I act in the first place. I really hope that i don't always pull this kind of shit. I've never been one to walk on a set after a night of binge drinking, and suddenly pretend to be a character. I become this character, as i've seen of late, there's less and less of the new generation of character method actors, like those of old, Bob DeNiro, Al Pacino, great actors, they are the real thing. And thats what i try to be. and its wonderful working with Tony hopkins, because he's fucking amazing, I mean this guy is gentle as a cat but the secnd He's Ptolemy you are just completely inspired by this man. The only decent compliment I can give to Colin at this point is that he looks cute with Blond hair. '

It is so enigmatic trying to make one of these love scenes when i really despise the Irish prick I'm playing opposite of. I heard he was an asshole, him giving Bruce Willis a hard time on Hart's War. But damn, Colin make more movie like phonebooth where no one else has to deal with you face to face.

Its been a while since I updated, I've been riding bareback horse commando for weeks now. Oliver seems to be editing the film on the spot so this shit is taking a lot longer than most guess. Other than that I've been writing songs, contemplating life, and just staring out at this miserable society and still finding hope in people's eyes. They smile, wearing their thick robes, they smile big toothless smiles when they are happy and the children are marvelous, they aren't even aware of their unhappy chance of being born in a third world country, they are happy just being children, being outside, playing together, running, becoming men as teenagers, I don't know while i'm here I'm set to go and study it a little more closely, it fascinates me, I spent a couple years living in Haiti as a child, and its not so bad, I've been poor, I've seen the poorest countries in the world, and by far the saddest nationality is the inactive, over eating, overweight Americans, who have the third lowest health insurance coverage in the world. We have so many fucking problems, at this point, I would say America is doomed until it destorys itself, and starts anew, like the African indiginous people, it's so great.
\Anyways I'm interested in what going on with everyone back home, so comment to me, and we'll chat sometime. I'll get back into the chatroom swing soon, i promise, i just have to finish all this bullshit I'm dealing with right now.

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Ready for my close-up Mr. Stone.

01:25am 21/09/2003

mood: immersed

music: Pink Floyd - In the Flesh?

So here i am in Morocco. Wonderfully strange this place is. Been rehearsing for a while. But more importantly I'm sure you're al wondering what happened to the boy with the pretty eyes for the last few weeks. well point is, nothing happened, I've been waiting and preparing for this role. The more i learn about my character the further from myself I become. And for now that's all you get.

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HOT DOG

08:41pm 18/08/2003

mood: sizzling.

music: Britney Spears - I'm a Slave 4 U

Well we played Irvine Saturday... we play the afternoon, at 4:10 so its always hot as hell when we play, but there was a decent breeze, but we kicked the shit around and had a blast. It's always nice to see some muiltithousand group enjoying the shit out of your show, especially when they've never heard of you. And i thought everyone around here knew who we were, I guess, living under rocks and in hobbit caves is a common practice than I ever imagined.

So after the show i was hanging out at the autograph area, and I see my friends, and I'm talking to them. There's this guy Max, his mom's friends with my mom or something, and we're just really cool, he comes to all my LA shows, we hang out and shit. One time he told me he knew a guy who portrays me fictionally online, what a fuckin nut, well whatever works for people. Anyway so I'm there, and then

_nicky_stahl Walks on up, and he just offers his hand to shake, he's kind of tentative. He's got a friend with him

lunita I just give Nick this look like, what the fuck are you doing bro. I gave him a huge fuckin hug., I haven't seen this guy in like 3 years, on Sunset Strip and that was a fun fucking movie.

So we went out we drank a shit load, got wasted, well i did, 12 shots of tequila. Well we had a major fuckin blast and I look forward to seeing those guys again.

You know what's really funny? The fucking tabloid. suddenly I'm popular again, 30 seconds to mars, whose that. He fucked

britney_spears! Wow cover story. We switched lovers fun stuff. She came to Lollapalooza in San Diego, saw me, we hung out. But you know it was just like that one night. but I dunno, she's hot, and I wouldn't have a problem seeing that sweet thing again. Call me a whore if you'd like, But I had fun, Britney's cool. Anyway you call me sweetheart, we'll hangout.

I'm in Frisco tonight, think i'll find myself some hippie weed and hang out with the guys. No show tonight. So I'll catch you all on the flip side.

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What a world

01:35am 09/08/2003

mood: melting

music: Pink Floyd - Shine On You Crazy Diamond

Even the nights in Texas are smoltering. Christ, i'm fucking out here in Dallas. It feels like 90 degrees out here, the bus' air conditioner can't stay on all night, i'm actually sitting here with my blackberry, ass naked typing, because its so fucking hot,a nd i'm sweating, for christ sakes, its 3 am! Weather reports say its not as hot in Morocco where i am next month, Why can't that be now?

Let me bring those of you out of mind loop, up to speed. I'm touring with the band, around the southwest with Lollapalooza. today was our first day, and playing onstage was like death, now its hot on stages no matter what i mean, what with lights and shit, and we have good fucking hot lights. But add that to 106 degree temperature, and you've got me onstage trying to hit long high notes in songs, sweltering from the heat, i almost fucking passed out, its fucking ridiculous. I mean I'm not a big guy, i'm only 5'8, like 140 It doesn't take much to fuck me up, however, the liquor holds quite well.

Anyway enough backstory and bitching. The show was good, a shorter set than usual, a lot of bands to get to and all. Nice to see Mars Army and Echelon coming out, nice to see friends. I have friends everywhere. And i think we turned alot people onto us, we really got them going. They really got me going, for that matter, stage diving, crowding walking, it was good shit. So the next 3 weeks are gonna be the most fucked UP, most completely awesome, so blazing hot, and I'm going to love it.

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Searching for that perfect anti-drug.

12:41am 04/08/2003

mood: see music

music: Pink Floyd - Comfortably Numb

O.K.
Just a little pinprick.
There'll be no more aaaaaaaaah!
But you may feel a little sick.
Can you stand up?
I do believe it's working, good.
That'll keep you going through the show
Come on it's time to go.

Lollapalooza next week. Morrocco in 8 weeks. Hephaistion. What a character name. No one will be able to pronounce this shit until it comes out in 15 months. But you know I'm really kind of psyched to be doing film again. But I'm gonna have to cut my hair in a few weeks. it'll be a sad day to see these purple locks drop in front of my face. For the last couple months I've been in and out and I just don't know anymore, whats going on, I mean I think its kind of obvious Kate and I are no more, her fiance moved in, so much for the fling, even if some would call it love. Its sad honestly, to think that my selfishness in solitude, has brought me to lonliness again, and it has nothing to do with her. Its al me, Kate, you are a wonderful woman, and i wish i were man enough for you and I should be, I'm 31 years old. But sometimes I just find myself curling into a fetal position.

There is no pain you are receding
A distant ship, smoke on the horizon.
You are only coming through in waves.
Your lips move but I can't hear what you're saying.

I call my mom (Constance) I thank God for her really she is a constant support in my life, comes to all my shows, well the ones out here at least I don't expect her to drive across country to see me preform, although she has on occasion. She is just my crutch in life when I need it most. She was there for me after Cameron and I broke up. That was just 3 years down the drain, what a mess, it turned out to be, and now lokk, when ever we see each other its like we're best friends, we just don't get to fuck anymore.

When I was a child I had a fever
My hands felt just like two balloons.

Now i've got the fever again and I'm looking for my outlet, somewhere to redirect the energy that is boiling inside me and i think doing this picture will help, a few more shows, and then who knows, a new album maybe. But for now, We all have to do, what we have to do, and I'm ready and willing as soon as someone helps me out of this chair.

Now I've got that feeling once again
I can't explain you would not understand
This is not how I am.
I have become comfortably numb.

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Making movies again.

11:10am 26/07/2003

mood: freaked

Well in less than a week, I'm off to Morocco with

cfarrell To co-star in the New Alexander flick, the one with Oliver Stone, not Baz Luhrman. Why they are making two in the same year, i'll never know, frnakly i could give about 2 flying fucks, but I'm making movies again which is nice.

God, these next 6 weeks are going to be Hell, I'm already signed onto several Lollapalooza shows on the West Coast, and now I've gone and signed myself to this picture being filmed in Fucking Morocco. Anyway so welcome back to the land of Jared.

edit: Thank you Mr. Oliver Stone for pushing the filming back 3 months so i don't have to fly back. I guess you bitch enough and then something really happens.

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07:47pm 12/07/2003

mood:

stressed

music: Third Eye Blind - My Time in Exile

Why is the rum gone?

You mean i have to drink this Dr. Pepper straight.... motherfucker.

Real updates soon, i swear.

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04:13pm 29/06/2003

mood: bizarro

music: Mr Bungle - Sweet Charity

With Mr. Ben Geza Affleck returned, I can now burrow myself into a hole and die happy, but I would never do that really.
I've found i haven't had much to say lately, my life has fallen into that usual pattern of nothingness again. So I've been getting tried and bored, but I've tried keeping busy, with photography and skating around. It's a beautiful summer. Maybe my opinion doesn't matter, but I feel like the constant onslaught of recent Hollywood mutations maybe corrupting our youth. Maybe i've just been staring at too many sunsets, just trying to stay gold but I always lose it and theres too many of us to take active voice.

I'm losing my grip.

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...On the Road, and in my head...

03:18pm 10/06/2003

mood: literary

music: Our Lady Peace - All For You

I made love to her in the sweetness of the weary morning. Then, two tired angels of some kind, hung-up forlornly in an LA shelf, having found the closest and most delicious thing in life together, we fell asleep together and slept till late afternoon.

I've been reading Jack Kerouac's On the Road and this passage just stuck and made me think of Kate. It was nice thought. Call me, Sweetheart.

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A free associative writing.

12:20pm 10/06/2003

mood: scatterbriained

music: Led Zeppelin - For Your Life

Oh god I'm so fucking tired I'm can't fucking understand my life. I don't know what I ant I just know I'm totally fucking in love now but I don't know what in that means to me I'm just totally going around and round in my head not comprehending anything I see or hear no one understand anything, but everyone knows everything. everything about you, everything about me, and yet no one knows nothing, and that she way it should be, and I'm so not caring about my life right now, I have a web site I've never even updated, I barely touch my journal, the account is free now I can't switch icons, not depressing at all, I like the way they look but still it a sordid state of affairs.

think of everything you've ever known, and turn it around and look at it from the inside out and you'll find out how pathetic your life really was, how inarticulate, how lonely and how unintelligent you really are. I keep having dream that involve my penis, and I'm not sure what these things mean, but I know that I want to get out, I wan t to drift again, I want to get out I want to be on the road with Jack Kerouac, I don't care about anything physical I want my mind to travel I will be a mental traveller a storyteller, who always has the first line and an audience and I was always hoping that you'd be waiting up for me but you're not the kind that would be waiting would you.

Ex-girlfriends, betrayal's never visiting, leaving someone alone at the airport waiting for help, but it never comes and yet you look to your left and there's that 14 year old kid with the cute little 13 year old girlfriend on his handle bars and they're just smiling in the golden sunshine above them, meanwhile LA is nothing but overcast as seems to be the existence of my life, overcast with everything that's not important overshadowing the important thing, the beautiful things like love, who would have ever thought I would love again, I never thought of myself as a romantic, but here I am,and I'm not sure where to go now, because its all fading into endless repetition until she disappears, and then I'm be alone until I see her again, but will I I want to know what she knows, I want to crack her head open and read the mental diary she's been keeping.

Dependence, what do I have anymore, but I I become addicted to these things, i always tried to avoid and they have begun to steal my soul, i can't remember what happened last week. i don't do anything anymore, I'm a sloth, a slow, lazy ass, who has no point in his life. But if you touch my penis I'll wake up right away, I've got stamina like you can't imagine, but I'm still chasing my frog like the Master Blaster. Crying, but i think its just another job, I'm still acting. I know I am, I'm holdingstill i'm not blinking, I'm letting the tears pour from my eyes and i'm doing nothing to stop it at all. Where can i find a wake up call, because I need one for 4:20.
Welcome to the land where the excrement of man has hit the proverbial desert fan at full speed.

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where's Mr.

affleck

11:26pm 03/06/2003

mood: not really concerned

Has anyone seen Ben since I posted the pot brownie recipe for in

studio_54?

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Oh dear.

07:51pm 02/06/2003

mood: intrigued

music: Third Eye Blind - A Good Man

( So um, Matt, Colin, you guys wanna party or something? )

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		12:40am 01/06/2003
	My Paid account expired... how depressing.
		[Error: Irreparable invalid markup ('<font [...] </p>') in entry. Owner must fix manually. Raw contents below.] <P ALIGN="right" CLASS="comments"><FONT FACE="Verdana,Arial,Helvetica" SIZE=1>(3 broke into another time. \| <A HREF="http://jared-leto.livejournal.com/24392.html?mode=reply">Everybody run now.</A>)</FONT></P><tr><td> <small><a href="http://www.angelfire.com/celeb2/studio_54" target="_new">disclaimer</a></small> <P ALIGN="left"><FONT FACE="Verdana,Arial,Helvetica" </P></td></tr>

	jared_leto
Friends Info Calendar She said, "I believe your lies"

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